But this time it is different

I sat down on the exam table with the insurance company putting me on hold. Frustrated with  billing and insurance, I waited to meet the midwife. She asked me about depression and I admitted that I was truly annoyed with being in the dark on the financial cost of pregnancy.  She asked me about back pain or abdominal pain but I just had the usual round ligament pain. I was dehydrated and needed to drink more water and to get two more tests done including the ultrasound. I missed it but only out of financial spite. Now, I wonder if I am causing harm to this baby. I never meant to be so careless this time around. I was so diligent and great with my first pregnancy and my son is a rock star! He is so intelligent and kind it is mind blowing. Now,  I still don't know the sex of  this  baby but I don't want to know.

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