The Thing About Fear

Fear.

Fear seems to always be the determining factor of my demise. I can not express how much anxiety I had during my days in Chiropractic school and worse Naturopathic school. I try to live my life with only the fear of God but for some reason it still grips my inner self and tells her that she can not do this. Fear holds her close and tells her that she can not move forward because she is not good enough.

But, I know for an honest fact that it is fake. I am highly gifted and creative but why? Why do we listen to those nagging voices in our heads. They stiffle me and make me do odd things to myself and they most certainly get in my way. The time has come though that I must stop listening to them because if I don't move forward it is going to get much worse and the reality of it all is what I should fear as opposed to something I have not attempted as of this moment. Kind of like the children in the lake. There is always one child that will not jump in because he or she is the most scared of all and while the other kids are enjoying themselves in the lake and chanting "Jump! Jump! Jump!" The child is stagnant. There is still that little voice in his or her head to fear this even though nothing bad occurred to their friends. If the child doesn't jump, they are considered a chicken and get picked on for a while and of course this hurts the child's pride. The child usually takes the jump and gets praise for such a great jump and is a legend among friends and within themselves as they realized there was nothing to fear at all.

Thanks Jesus!

So throughout the mess of it all it is better to leap than to stay there. Staying there can cause just as much harm as the big jump in most cases. So, this entry took me two days between caring for my eight month old and cleaning the house and searching for a cell phone I lost myself. In the days after first creating this entry I have applied for two freelancing jobs one linking this blog as well as sending a snippet of my work. I will apply to just about everything out there in hopes of getting a nibble because despite fear the first step is to take that jump. As my colleagues, friends and family scream, "Jump! Jump! Jump," I sit in front of the computer- I sit in fear of failure which at this point seems like a small thing out of the bigger scheme of things.

Well, here goes nothing. I take the leap off the dock and into the lake.